BEERS 87 & 88: THE CHARLIE BATES SPECIAL

The Swill: Shiner Bock
The Still: Spoetzl Brewery
Shiner, Texas
http://www.shiner.com
The Drill: Bock beer, 12oz bottle, 4.4% ABV
The Spill: As equivalent to Germany as hefeweizens, bocks are traditionally mellow, lager-type beers with a light, bready, malt backbone, free of the bitterness of a strong hop addition. At a scant 13 IBU, this beer certainly delivers on the non-bitter side of things, but unfortunately, it's lacking in nearly everything else as well besides color. It's mahogany hue leads the drinker to think he may be in for something with a little more character than what lies in store. The brewery's website promises a mellow beer with no bitter aftertaste. It says, "Just think of it as Shiner smooth." Bill's Beer Wall says, "Just think of it as Shiner bland."
The Swill: Old Milwaukee Beer
The Still: Jos. Schlitz Brewing Company
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
http://www.oldmilwaukee.com
The Drill: Commercial American Pilsner, 12oz can, 4.6% ABV
The Spill: The beer pours a sickly pale yellow with a foamy white head. The nose is barely existent, pilsner-like with a slightly sour note. The flavor is watery, ever-so-slightly bready, and somewhat metallic from the aluminum can it was poured from. The mouthfeel is thin, with just enough carbonation to remind you that what you're drinking is some sort of attempt at beer and not just tainted city water.
Says Bill: My buddy Charlie is a one-of-a-kind individual. An extreme musicphile, his favorite bands are ones I've never even heard of. He was the first person I met with an iPod, and he had over 4000 songs on it 6 years ago. I can only imagine how many he keeps on it now. The man is totally underground when it comes to his tastes, and I think he likes it that way. A lot of people take pride in their non-conformity and antiestablishment attitudes. My favorite bands are the Rolling Stones, the Black Crowes, and Bob Seger, in that order. Pretty establishment from anyone's perspective. Also, Charlie, who spent some time in Texas after graduating high school in Connecticut and college in Oklahoma, fell in love with the Lone Star State, and, following a five-year stint in California where we became friends, moved back there with his wife, Molly. His favorite beer is Shiner Bock, and he extolled its virutes to myself and our fellow beer lovers, mainly, I think, because it was yet another thing we had never heard of that he had some kind of unique inside track on. That being said, it was difficult to smile at Charlie the day he gave me a 12-pack of Old Milwaukee at my 30th birthday party. I figured it was some kind of off-center joke on the beer guy, but Charlie swore it was one of his favorite beers. Granted, he and Molly also picked out a couple other beers for me that I had never tried, which I will review much more positively in the coming weeks or months, but how frickin' establishment can you be when you drink Old Milwaukee? Maybe he had a secret fetish for the days of the Swedish Bikini Team. Don't remember what I'm talking about? Here's a reminder.
Refill?: Sorry Charlie.
Old Milwaukee: Well, it's better than Romulan Ale: 0 taps out of 5.
Shiner Bock: Well, it's better than Old Milwaukee: 1.5 taps out of 5.