The Swill: Phuket Lager Beer
The Still: San Miguel Beer (Thailand) Ltd.
Pathumthani, Thailand
http://www.phuketbeerusa.com
The Drill: Pilsner, 11.2oz bottle, 5.0% ABV
The Spill: This sad excuse for beer pours a sickly, barely yellow hue. Anyone who gets within a foot of it will immediately notice a totally skunked-out nose, a strong defense against anyone who would dare taste it. If you somehow can get past that, sniffing ever-so-carefully, you can detect a hint of unappetizing sour malt. If you haven't turned back yet, and actually pour this evil solution into your masochistic maw, expect a thin, watered-down mouthfeel, offering a lightly sour, joyless malt flavor, coupled with a foul metallic finish, as if the bottled beer was poured from a rusted steel can. Either that, or your tongue has spontaneously begun bleeding from the severe insult you just subjected it to.
Says Bill: Get away. Get away now. Now, and fast. Anyone foolish enough to approach this beer after reading this stern warning hereby does so at their own risk, and Bill's Beer Wall takes no responsibility for any taste bud injury which may occur as a result. Thank God I only paid a dollar for this heinous experience. Trader Joe's had a section of shelving marked off to sell single bottles, and, while I didn't think I was going to enjoy this beer when I selected it, I thought it was unique enough to try anyway, having never drank a beer from Thailand before. Based on the taste of this dreck, you'd think Thailand was the name of a Romulan colony. The back label clearly stated that the beer was bottled on March 20 of this year, and that it should keep for a full year after. Either it didn't, or it was exposed to too much sunlight through the green glass bottle, or it's just plain shitty beer. I'm voting for the last one.
Refill?: Phuket Beer? C'mon, that's too easy: 0 taps out of 5.